Two Brothers Too Many Problems
by RocketSquid
Summary: Shaun and Sam are normal human brothers. One is a manly man with a case of music and coffee addiction, and the other is a hyperactive numbnut. One day Sam, the younger brother, went to get drunk with some of his friends, Shaun is left to retrieve him, and ends up getting into a fight. After that all blows over, a storm rolls in, and something spooky happens. (Rated PG-13, or a T)
1. Chapter 1

(Greetings. Welcome back. It's good to somewhat know you are here. It's time to go back to the roots of this writers history, and do something I intended, but brushed it off, and replaced it with some rather… precarious material. If you have been here before the middle of december, or some time before that, you will remember that I had a story called So Smart it's Stupid. I had discontinued it once I introduced There Are Others. Since I had discontinued it, I had always wanted to bring back the concept of a Splatoon fanfiction, but never got around to it. But here we are. I should let you all know that none of the content that appeared in the last attempt will not be shown or talked about in this one. So please, enjoy.)

 **Introduction:**

In this story, there are two normal human boys. These boys are named Shaun, and Sam. Shaun is a tall, manly man with a love for music, and he taught himself how to fight. His weakness is the responsibilities of taking care of his brother named Sam, and his addiction to coffee. Sam on the other hand is much more hyperactive than his older brother, and enjoys spending his time around people who just make the world a terrible place to live in. He doesn't know why and neither do I, so don't go asking me. Oh shit there I go again. Here's the story everyone! Enjoy!

 **Chapter One: Get woke.**

"WE'RE LATE!" Sam said falling down the stairs.

"What's happening?" Shaun said dashing from his room and into the kitchen, where the staircase was conveniently placed.

"Get some clothes on we're late!" Sam said, trying desperately to get up.

"I have clothes on!" Shaun said. "What are we late for?!"

"SCHOOL!" Sam shouted as he pushed Shaun closer to the door.

"It's a sunday! We don't do anything on sundays!" Shaun said turning around and picking Sam up off of the ground to knock some sense into him.

"It is?" Sam said. He groaned and slid through Shauns grip.

"It seems like after you met that girl, you've lost all sense of time." Shaun said.

"Yeah, I noticed that too. We got any eggs?" Sam said rummaging through the fridge.

"Yeah, look around, I got some yesterday." Shaun said ambling back to his room.

"Fuck buckets we're out of garlic salt." Sam said tossing several spice containers onto the floor in his frenzy of searching.

"Watch it." Shaun said plopping back down in his bed.

 ***TIME PASS TO TOMORROW***

Shaun and Sam walked down the damp sidewalk, trying not to slip on it's slick unpredictable surface. It had rained the night before, and it made walking a much more difficult thing to do.

"Shaun?" Sam questioned, trying to start conversation.

"Yeah bud?" Shaun said scratching his chin.

"When do I get to work with you at The Coffee Shop?" Sam asked anxiously scooting closer.

"Once you turn sixteen." Shaun said patting his brother on the back. Sam crossed his arms and let out a sad sigh.

"But you can get a job when you're fifteen, right?" Sam asked.

"I'll see what I can do." Shaun said shrugging.

Sam jumped up with happiness, and in literally three seconds later he slipped and fell all the way to the ground.

"Ha! Nice going loser!" Shaun said jokingly. He bent over to pick Sam up.

"Shut up." Sam said. He punched his brother in the arm when he was back on his feet.

"Thanks for walking me to school again." Sam said.

"No problem. It's not like I do this one hundred and eighty three days a year." Shaun said.

"Alright see you later." Sam said taking a left, and walked across the street.

Shaun waved when Sam looked back at him, and took the right leading to The Coffee Shop. He worked there from seven o'clock to three thirty. Every day, except for sundays. The Coffee Shop sold… coffee. Who'da thunk it? It was decked out with bean bag chairs, stools, book rentals, free wifi, over priced muffins, bagels, and other things of the sort. It wasn't as interesting as it sounded.

Shaun stared at the glass door of The Coffee Shop. He sighed and pushed it open.

"Look at who finally decided to show up." A woman said behind the counter. She stared Shaun down, and put her hands on her hips in a sassy way.

"Look who finally decided to not sleep on the job." Shaun returned walking over to the counter to fulfil his quota. "How've you been Debora?"

Debora shrugged, and started to take a man's order. While she done that, Shaun reached for his apron and visor, and donned both of them.

"So begins a long day." Shaun said to himself.

 ***TIME SKIP***

Shaun waited, and waited. It was three forty five, and Sam still hasn't came crashing through the steel school doors.

"That's it. I'm done with this." Shaun said. He pushed the doors open, and started to wander the hallways for his brother. But, to his luck, he only made it to the second set of doors.

"Are you looking for someone?" The secretary said. She was behind a set of safety wire glass screens.

"My stupid brother Sam." Shaun said turning to speak with her.

"Well, the school let out a while ago I can assure you nobody's here." She said grabbing her purse and slinging it around her shoulder.

Shaun nodded, and he pulled the doors open and walked outside.

"So it begins." Shaun said fixing his shirt collar.

 **Chapter Two: Brother Hunt.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Time to Skeet

Jakob woke up, and fell off of his trampoline. He slept on a small trampoline, instead of a bed, because it was cheaper. As much as he wanted to fall asleep again, he knew he had to eat something first.

"Hey bro." Lukas said softly peeking out from his mess of blankets.

"Yeah?" Jakob said looking over.

"Wake me up when it's 8:00. Don't worry about making me breakfast." Lukas said, and then hid back under his blankets to snooze.

Jakob walked out of the room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. He was craving eggs, so he decided to make an omelet.

 ***EPIC COOKING MONTAGE***

"It's 7:36, I don't have to wake Lukas up for another twenty four minutes. I get to eat in peace."

Jakob ate the wonderfully done omelet, and sat at the table and waited for 8:00 to roll around.

Meanwhile, Lukas is already awake, he is just not wanting to get up.

"Hey, It's 8:00!" Jakob shouted up the stairs. Lukas rolled out of his bed, and grabbed the closest thing to him. Lukas walked out with something behind his back, and threw it at Jakob.

"What the hell?" Jakob said as he dodged the flying object.

He picked it up, and it was a rock with a piece of paper tied to it. He untied the paper from the rock, and read it.

"Oh it's just a single piece of paper that says N***er Faggot." Jakob said.

"Your extremely racist." Jakob shouted back up the stairs."You is discriminating me!"

"It's just a meme bro." Lukas said.

Jakob shrugged and walked back upstairs.

"We got any good people to fight today?" Lukas asked.

"Yeah we got these two girls named the Nightsisters." Jakob said.

"Alright. Let's pack up, and head out." Lukas said.

Jakob and Lukas grabbed their weapons and headed out, mildly conversating.

"Can we stop and get some apple pie?" Lukas said.

"After the game, plus I didn't bring my wallet, and I know you didn't either." Jakob said.

"Damn it." Lukas said.

The pair continued on their way to the coordinates provided to them by the competition holder.

"Awfully shady place for a paintball competition." Lukas said scratching his head.

"Said by everyone ever." Jakob replied with a chuckle.

The boys slung their guns over their shoulders, and walked in.

"Hold up boys." A white inkling in pitch black welding goggles, and a lab coat said.

"Boy, who you callin' boy?" Jakob said.

"Sorry to offend you." The white inkling said liking his teeth afterwards. "You didn't have to bring your…" He took a deep breath and continued. "Weapons. We provide the Ink, and the weapons." He said starting to spasticity jerk. "You can drop your guns here." He said pointing to a large crate, with one other gun in it.

"I don't trust this dude." Lukas said.

"Me either." Jakob said.

But without another thought they threw their guns in the crate, and followed the white inkling.

"What is your preference?" The white inkling said.

"Got any rifles?" Lukas asked.

"Oh yes, yes I do… come with me!" THe white inkling said motioning for Lukas to follow.

"Alright, I guess I'll just look for a normal blaster I guess…" Jakob said shrugging.

He picked up a gun that was slightly smaller than his, but that not being the only difference. The entire gun was spray painted black, and the ink if fired was also black. On the left side of the clip was the word "Punisher" crudely written in white paint marker.

 ***EPIC TRAINING MONTAGE***

The pair lined up one one side of the arena, and The Nightsisters lined up on the other side. It was a flat plain with a bunch of scattered walls, and two towers one on one side of the arena, and the other on the opposite side.

"Ladies and Gentle-Squids, this week on The Ring, we have last week's winners, The Nightsisters!" The announcer announced. The crowd went wild.

"And our new contestants, of which have countless 2v2 victories under their belts, and are considered by most to be the most unpredictable team in history, this week's newest competitors, The Brotherhood!" The announcer announced. The crowd went wild again, but just not as rowdy as the first time.

"You ready for this?" Jakob asked.

"Yep, Just move in, I'll cover you."

"Got it." Jakob replied.

(Sorry guys, but I'm gonna have to cut it off there. To save time, why don't you go look at kittens or something. Anyways that concludes Chapter 2!)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Front Lines

 ***HALF WAY INTO FIGHT!***

"LUKAS I'M LOSING SOME GROUND HERE!" Jakob shouted.

"Yo I got you." Lukas said vaulting a short wall and standing next to Lukas. "I got the one on the ridge, you move in to get the one behind that wall over there." Lukas motioned toward the wall thirty feet in front of him.

"I gotcha." Jakob said.

Lukas aimed into his scope, and took a shot, one that left a bad taste in his mouth, but none the less it hit the Inkling on the ridge, splatting her.

"Moving in, cover me." Jakob said.

"No that's too predictable." Lukas said. You cover me I'll flank her, so you can move in."

"Alright." Jakob said. Jakob dashed from his spot keeping his head low and took cover crouched behind a wall barely hiding the tip of his head. The night sister saw this, and started opening fire, her rapid fire blasts kept Jakob pinned, unable to return fire. Meanwhile Lukas was getting ready to attract her attention, and he did with a shot, barely missing her head. Almost completely forgetting the fact that Jakob was behind her, Jakob moved in, and blasted the last remaining Night sister three times before she fell to the ground, before turning into a pile of purple ink.

"Gotcha bitch!" Jakob said.

Lukas ran over to Jakob, and they both hugged each other, then raised their hands in a sign of victory. The crowd around them went absolutely insane, and the announcer had to yell to even pierce the shrieks of excitement from the crowd.

"LADIES AND GENTLE SQUIDS, THE WINNING PAIR, THE BROTHERHOOD HAVE TRIUMPHED OVER THE NIGHTSISTERS, MAKING THEM THE NEW CHAMPIONS OF THE RING!"

 ***EPIC TRANSITION TO WALKING BACK HOME***

"Ah… the sweet taste of victory." Jakob said.

"Not as good as apple pie." Lukas said.

"Bro, you would bring an apple pie to your honeymoon and fuck that instead!" Jakob said.

All of a sudden, some trash cans tipped over, clattering onto the concrete alleyway next to them.

"What the hell?" Lukas said readying his rifle.

"Hold on I got this." Jakob said.

To Jakob's surprise, instead of it being a paint grenade, it was a girl. One of her orange tentacles covered her badly scratched face. Her shirt was badly scratched up, with one hole being so big, you could see her entire body through the clothing, which was thankfully covered. This detail Jakob didn't pay much attention to. He payed more attention to the blood streaming from every part of her body.

"Yo, it's a girl." Jakob said. He picked up the girl, who was about a year younger than him, he ambled over to Lukas to show him.

"Bro, we're twenty one years old, we can't be carrying home a girl! People will think we're kidnappers!" Lukas said. He gripped his head and started to panic.

"Hey, she looks almost a year or two younger than me, if we try not to panic, we can play it off as she being my friend who got a little too tipsy. Until she wakes up we can just keep her at our house." Jakob said.

Lukas stared into Jakob's eyes, and saw his true intentions.

"Alright, we can hang onto her, just so we can find out where she came from." Lukas said.

 ***EPIC TRANSITION FROM CARRYING HOME A GIRL TO THE NEXT MORNING***

Jakob woke up with a bad taste in his mouth. He could tell something was out of place. He looked up, and to his surprise, the girl that was sleeping on the trampoline above him wasn't there. He sighed and got up. To his surprise, Lukas was still sleeping tightly. The fight last night might have made him want to sleep in longer. Jakob scoffed and walked into the hallway, and into the bathroom. The door was open a crack, and he opened the door to fulfil his morning duties.

"AHH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON!" Jakob said shielding his eyes from the naked body of the girl in the bathroom.

He ran out of the bathroom with haste, slamming the door behind him.

"Okay…" The girl said a few moments later in a soft voice. "I have some clothes on. Did you need something?"

Jakob cracked the door open, with his eyes squinted ready to close them. To his surprise, the girl actually looked quite nice. For a girl standing in a guy's pair of pajama pants and a Metallica shirt that were both way too big for her kind of nice.

"Please step out for a moment, I must piss." Jakob said brushing past her. The girl left with barely any arm movement, and Jakob shut the door after her. After at least two minutes passed, Jakob flushed the toilet, and walked out.

"What were you doing in there anyways?" Jakob said. He motioned for the girl to follow him.

"Things." She said brushing her hair away from her eyes.

"God damn you sound just like Lukas." Jakob said. "Go ahead and take a seat there, I'll make you some breakfast.

 ***EPIC COOKING AND EATING TRANSITION***

The girl followed Jakob into the living room. Jakob grabbed the remote, and started to get netflix set up, without having any sexual intentions.

"You know, a boy never made me breakfast before." The girl said snuggling closer to Jakob.

"Uh… yeah… okay." Jakob said. He started to fidget, and a weird feeling started to grow.

Suddenly the girl turned Jakob from laying sideways on the couch, into a lying face up position, in such a swift movement Jakob had no time to react.

"Do you want to see something?" The girl said. She started to slowly rage her shirt.

"I… Uh… I mean is just that…" Jakob stuttered.

The girl put a finger to his lips to shush him, and then she moved in for a kiss. Jakob stared uncomfortably into the girl's closed eyes, but he started to slowly close his eyes accepting what was about to come, and how guilty it would make him feel. This would have gone a lot farther, if the pair weren't interrupted by Lukas shortly after.

"Hey Jakob, can you make me some… Wait, what the HELL?" Lukas said.

"The girl quickly opened her eyes, left Jakobs kiss, and looked at Lukas.

"Oh fuck." She said softly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Blending is hard**

 ***TIME SKIP TO THREE DAYS IN THE FUTURE***

Shaun tossed and turned in a medical bed. He was placed there about three days ago, and was placed on life support.

"Is he gonna wake up?" Squid girl said. She leaned in closer to inspect Shaun laying there.

All of a sudden his eyes shot open. Then he started to scream.

"MY BODY HUUUURRRRTTTTSSSS!" Shaun said. He didn't move, nor did he even bat an eye. He just screamed and shouted that his body hurts. Once he settled down, then the questions started rolling in.

"Where am I, who are you, what is the meaning of life, what's it like to be incompetent, what is the ethereal plane WHO AM I!" Shaun shouted, still not moving.

Squid girl just closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.

"My name is Jane, you are at my brother, Mikes, laboratory, and your name is Shaun. That's all I could answer, all that other nonsensical rambling was well… nonsensical rambling." Jane said.

Shaun squirmed, and fell out of the medical bed. The room was small, and the bed was pressed against a wall, so with nowhere else to fall, he fell onto the floor. The door slammed open, with Squid boy entering with a clipboard, followed by another squid girl with white hair.

Shaun rolled under the bed before anyone could see him, and hid under there.

"Alright Mr. Shaun, how are we… Where'd he go?" Mike said.

"Warum fragst du mich?" The white haired squid girl. girl said in german. (Now would be a good time to pull out a translator, cause you won't understand jack diddly if you don't!)

Shaun had found a conveniently placed stretcher under the bed, and it had wheels. An imaginary lightbulb appeared above his head.

Shaun slinked onto the stretcher, and pushed himself out from under the bed. He slid until he hit another wall, and then waved.

"Oh, you're awake." Squid boy said jotting something down on his clipboard.

"Das war ziemlich lustig!" The white squid girl said with a snicker.

"Hello. My name is Shaun. Thanks for the compliment." Shaun said standing up.

"Mein Name ist Emma. Schön dich zu treffen." White squid girl said waving.

"Interesting. You can understand. German Shaun?" Squid boy said.

"Yeah. It's my heritage." Shaun said with a confident smirk.

"Emma here was a human just like you, but she was transformed by moi, and has been here for more than a few years. She says in her dimension she would now be twenty one years old.

Shaun fixed the collar on his severely damaged plaid shirt, and said "I hope you brought some sauce, cause you are smoking!" He did the finger guns continuously as he walked out of the still open door.

"Hey wait a minute, you can't just leave!" Squid boy said dashing after him.

 ***ONE LONG EXPLANATION SCENE, AND MISSION BRIEFING LATER***

"Okay so lemme get this straight. You want me, to go with Kyu into town, and pick up some groceries, just to see how much I blend in?" Shaun said.

"Exactly." Squid boy said. "My sister and I will be monitoring you the entire way."

"Okay. Just a wee bit creepy. But other than that, it sounds like a plan!"

"Nun, wann immer du bereit bist zu gehen.." Emma said.

"Alrighty then let's bounce." Shaun said.

 ***TIME SKIPS FORWARD, UNTIL THE PEEPS ARE AT THE GROCERY STORE.***

"Omba karama ene praia da parna parna bajarme bagé." Shaun said softly to himself.

"Was bedeutet das?" Emma asked. She had somehow heard him.

"It means a lot of personal biz. I say it when I get worried. Sometimes I just say it when I think I'm in over my head. You know." Shaun said.

"Ich verstehe." Emma said.

The pair ambled into the architecturally overdone grocery store, with a list of three things. Eggs, Noodles, and Green onions.

"This place is dopetastic! It's got everything!" Shaun said marvelling at the extravagant amount of options for stuff to eat.

"Bitte versuche konzentriert zu bleiben." Emma said flicking Shaun in the back of the head.

"Right right." Shaun said. He swiped the list from his pocket, and kept walking.

"Hey! Nice shirt loser!" Someone had said. A rotten grapefruit was thrown in the direction of the pair.

"Oh shit!" Shaun said quietly. This one had caught him off guard, but luckily Emma had caught it, and threw it back at the assailant.

"You wanna fight? Then come over here and throw down like a man!" Shaun said clenching his fists.

A short skinny squid boy ambled. He had dark skin, and purple tentacles.

"You throw that?" Shaun said walking closer in a threatening way.

"Nah. It was them over there. Them cowards sent me over here cause they can't handle their own problems." The purple haired squid boy said pointing at the food section.

"Oh boy! Here I go beating the snot out of teenagers again!" Shaun said gleefully. He popped his neck and cracked his knuckles, but before he could even take a step, Emma grabbed his arm.

"Kümmer dich nicht darum. Es ist es nicht wert." She said softly.

Shaun sighed and nodded. He turned to face the teenager near him.

"You got a name kid?" Shaun asked.

"Name's Ross. I'm fourteen." Ross said. "That your girlfriend?"

Shaun stiffened his gaze, and replied.

"Boy I oughta slap you upside the head for asking that." Shaun said with a change of tone.

"I get'cha. My bad." Ross said backing away.

Shaun groand and put his hand on his forehead.

"Let's get out of here." Shaun said softly.

 ***TIME SKIP***

"You had one job! Get three things on a shopping list! How hard is that!?" Mike shouted.

"Wir entschuldigen uns. Wir hatten ein Problem." Emma said softly.

"What kind of problem?!" Mike shouted. He shouted softer than last time, but it was still loud enough to be considered a shout.

"Teenagers." Shaun said reluctantly.

"You. A pair of full grown adults..." Mike said before taking a deep breath. "You know what? Just go." Mike said. His voice faded to a mere mumble by this point. He grabbed a wrench from his work belt and turned back to his desk.

Emma had to be at least a mile away by now. Shaun on the other hand, slowly walked closer. He swiftly dshot his hand toward Mike, and grabbed him by the neck. He lifted him off of the ground with just one hand, and looked him straight in the eye with a stiffened gaze.

"You say something like that again, and I'll shove that wrench up your ass." Shaun said. He let go, and let Mike catch his breath.

 **Chapter Five: Fight Fight Fight!**


End file.
